Ask the Scary Question Anyway

Let’s talk about something most of us avoid like that ex who still watches your Instagram stories: asking scary questions in relationships.

You know the ones.

“Do you see this going somewhere?”
“Are you still attracted to me?”
“Are you sleeping with anyone else?”
“Do you want kids?”
“Am I the only one putting in effort here?”

These are not fun to ask. They are vulnerable. Risky. Sometimes terrifying.
But here’s the thing: asking the scary question is an act of radical self-respect.

Why we avoid asking

The biggest reason we avoid these questions is fear. Fear that we’ll be rejected. Fear that the answer will confirm what we already suspect. Fear that if we know the truth, we’ll have to do something about it.

So we stall. We tell ourselves, “It’s fine.” We wait for the right moment. We try to read between the lines, hoping clarity will fall from the sky.

It doesn’t.

Meanwhile, our nervous system is doing somersaults. We can’t relax because we don’t feel safe. And here’s the truth most people miss:
Your body already knows when something’s off.
Asking the question doesn’t create the problem—it reveals what’s already present.

Clarity is better than false hope

Even if the answer stings… clarity is powerful. It gives you ground to stand on. It lets you stop living in limbo and start making decisions rooted in reality, not wishful thinking.

It might hurt. But it’s clean pain—not the chronic kind you feel when you’re stuck in confusion for months (or years).

Sometimes the answer will surprise you in a good way. Sometimes it won’t. But either way, you’re closer to what’s true.

Rejection is redirection

Here’s a truth bomb you might not love, but need to hear:
Rejection isn’t a dead end—it’s a guidepost.

When someone tells you they can’t meet your needs or match your vision, they’re not taking away your future. They’re saving you from wasting more time trying to convince them to be someone they’re not.

Rejection is protection. It’s the bodyguard clearing the path to the relationships you actually want and deserve.

Your nervous system will thank you

From a somatic standpoint, uncertainty keeps your body in a state of activation. You may feel anxious, jumpy, numb, or drained.
When you ask the hard question—and get your answer—your system can finally settle.

Even if the outcome is not what you wanted, your nervous system will register the clarity as safety. And that alone is healing.

So here’s your invitation: ask the question.

Not to control the outcome, but to honor your truth. To stop living in limbo.
To trust that whatever answer you get will move you closer to real connection—with yourself and others.

You are strong enough to hold the answer.
And brave enough to ask.

The Phase No One Warns You About (a.k.a. Why You’re Fighting More Than Usual)

Let’s talk about a relationship phase that almost no one warns you about... until you’re knee-deep in it, wondering what happened to the butterflies and constant cuddles.

It’s called the Power Struggle Phase.
And trust me—if you’re in it, you’ll know.

One minute you're finishing each other's sentences and feeling like soulmates. The next, you're wondering how the person who once made your coffee just the way you like it is now forgetting to say goodnight—or worse, pushing every emotional button you didn’t even know you had.

Welcome to the part of a relationship that isn't Instagrammable—but is 100% necessary for real love.

What is the Power Struggle Phase?

It’s the moment in a relationship when the “honeymoon” hormones fade and you start seeing your partner as a whole human being. Yes, with quirks, flaws, old wounds, and deeply held beliefs that—gasp—might not match yours.

This isn’t a failure.
This is the threshold of intimacy.

The Power Struggle Phase is where most couples either:

Learn how to collaborate and co-create a partnership based on shared power and mutual respect
or
Break up (either dramatically or, worse, emotionally disconnect while technically staying together).

If you're fighting more, feeling misunderstood, or noticing the same issue coming up over and over again—you’re likely in this phase.

And here's the secret nobody tells you:

It’s not a bad thing.

It’s a growth thing.

This phase is a call to evolve—not just as a couple, but as individuals. You’re being asked to heal, communicate better, and build the kind of love that isn’t just passionate, but resilient.

And if you stick with it—if you do the work together?

You graduate into a phase that’s even better than the honeymoon:
Deep love. Lasting friendship. Real-deal intimacy.

This can even lead to a new honeymoon phase. Yes, for real.
Couples who grow together often find themselves falling in love all over again—on a deeper, more stable level. Less infatuation, more devotion.

And spoiler alert: long-term couples cycle through these phases many times. It’s not a one-and-done thing. The power struggle phase shows up anytime you’re leveling up. New jobs, kids, illness, loss, big dreams—they can all trigger a rebalancing of power and priorities.

So what do you do if you're in it?

You don’t ignore it.
You don’t throw in the towel.
You get help.

This is my jam. Supporting couples (and individuals) through the messy middle to get to the magic on the other side. I’ve helped lots of people move through the power struggle phase with way more grace, communication, and emotional safety than they thought possible.

If this feels like where you're at—or where you're heading—reach out.
I’ve got tools, insight, humor, and a whole lot of heart to support you.

Ready to transform the struggle into strength?

Hit me up. I’ve got space in my calendar, and I’d love to help.

With love and deep relationship realness,
Cassandra